I was a consultant and am now a coach and therapist. I am also a mother, a role that I am very proud of.
There are several pearls of wisdom and values that I hold on to and live my life by.
Firstly, I believe that our mind is very powerful. When we master our mind, we can master anything in this world.
Secondly, I believe in change and that everyone can change for the better. For the past 20 years, I have worked with many business, organisations, and individuals to help them transform for the better. I know transformation can happen and the skill is in taking the MOST effective path.
Thirdly, I believe everyone has their unique potential, and we when we tap into them, we can shine and have a fulfilling life.
I am passionate about helping our next generation shine. Allowing them the space they need to grow so that their authenticity can show. However, I have seen too many good individuals, fail to be the parents their child needs them to be, and many children feel stifled to the extent of suffocation by their over-caring parents. What hurts me the most is seeing the broken parent and child relationship of these two fine and marvellous individuals.
I admit that I was once an over-worrying like many of you too, as I did not know how to parent any better. No one had ever taught me how-to effectively parent. Occasionally well-meaning relatives and friends would “share” with me what they thought I should be doing. I had read some parenting books, and listened to the advice of the experts. When I “missed” the terrible twos of my son, I thought I had passed the test of being a “fine” mother.
But things started to change when he was four years old. I felt the horror of Snow White’s stepmother when she was confronted by the “magic mirror”. Except my competitor wasn’t another “Snow White” but was the version of a grounded well-balanced mother that I had always wanted to be for my son. My little cutie pie was the “magic-mirror” of my life. In him, I saw the reflections of myself but it was the monster-me, the ugly side of me that I had been trying to hide from him. I knew instantly, something has to change. And that something was “I” had to change.
The hurting and confronting truth was, I did NOT qualify to “teach” him if I couldn’t change. How can we teach someone to bake a cake when we DO NOT even know how to bake a cake, right?
Then I looked in my toolbox of life skills that I had learned over the years to find the skills that I need to help me work on changing myself. Having learned mindfulness and meditation, I knew I needed lots of mindfulness to change, and for that I needed meditation to rewire my mind, with regards to the way I perceived things, the way I reacted/acted and at the more fundamental level, to remove the subconscious conditioning and blocks that had been part of me for as long as I can remember. I had my share of failures and success. When I failed, I would forgive myself and try again, and when I succeeded, I celebrated every little success to boost myself to continue on this journey.
It wasn’t an easy journey, particularly when I was doing it so differently from my friends and parents. I used to fall back to old habits from time to time. Well-meaning friends and relatives would criticise me saying: you are too lenient, you’ve got to make sure your son focus and spend less time on games and pay more attention to study, and spend more time outdoors. The list of advice never ended, but I had faith in what I was doing as I could see the change in myself. I became more peaceful and less temperamental. I also knew life was not always going to be smooth sailing and when I would fall, I picked myself up faster and recovered faster.
The most fulfilling part of the journey so far is to see that my 14-year-old young man now is self-disciplined, independent and has a clear direction for his future. He also has a good mentor and supportive friends who care for each other and he knows that he is loved and can be himself. There is a journey for him too, but I know I have done my job. I need to continue to walk my talk and show him the way. (NOT teach, teachers are in school and my role as a mother is to love and care for him and be his role model)
I am determined to help children and parents with the skills I have learned through these years, combining, mindfulness, meditation, my experience in the corporate world, counselling, therapy, and sub-conscious mind programming because I know there are many parents who are struggling and who deserve the skills to be the BEST Parent they can be. I know that most children out there love and care for their parents and deserve to be given an environment where their authentic self can shine, and to have boundless love for themselves and their parents.
Parenting is one of the most rewarding ways for us to grow. We may think we are bringing up our child but at the same time, our child is bringing us up too! Changes in life are part of growth. Change is inevitable in life, however the success in transformation lies in choosing the most skilful means and equitable support or coaches/mentor. When you get the combination right, you will not only help yourself but also your child/children.
Parenting can be different, but we must be the one who starts the change.